Being in a relationship has always been easy for me. I never knew why back then but doing some self reflecting and being honest with myself it was simply because I didn’t love myself as much as I thought I did. It took me to be single for three years, date, not understand dating, and be devalued by the men I chose to date over this freedom time period. I didn’t know how much of a blessing being single is. Relationships have always been something I’ve cherished deeply throughout my life due to my upbringing. I always wanted to have someone I could depend on to support, love, nurture, empower, protect, create stability, and be honest with me. Life is very complicated but when you figure things out there is no better feeling.
Being Single use to be a curse to me up until now. Reading, Author & Relationship Coach, Tony Gaskins’s “Single is not a Curse” book helped me sort out those uncertain thoughts about single life. I’ve never had someone to teach me what healthy relationships, love, and self-love feels/looks like. I had to experience to learn, which is one of the best teachers but sometimes you need someone to depend on when you fall short.
Learning to accept being single has been one of the greatest things I’ve discovered at this age in my life. Everyone needs to personally be in love with self before they can successfully join with someone else.
Let’s get to the Bottom-side of this thing
Freedom, Learning more about myself, loving myself, being selfish, and only having to worry about me are the five things I enjoy about being single.
I dislike feeling and being lonely, not having someone to share with (that I want to share with), having a big heart with love with no one to give it to freely, and not having someone love me as a woman.
The last person I dated made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for them. I couldn’t talk to them because they intimidated me, and deep down I knew we weren’t going anywhere because of how we started. I use to have a “type” he fit that description 25% but I was willing to take a chance because I always believe that life is already a risk, so take as many as you can for the right reasons. He taught me a lot in such a short time period and I will always be grateful for those life lessons.
Therefore I started my journey to figure out when did I become a backwards person in a relationship without the courage to stand up for myself.
I found out that I wasn’t focused on the right things in life.
- Focus
- Family
- Friends
- Freedom
- Finances
Should have been my main priority but being a woman we were created to multitask in life ( We use both sides of our brains while men ONLY use one.)
The Up-side of things
I came to the conclusion after completing his exercise that I am single for all that right reasons and that I should never get confused again.
I am not single because of chemistry, physical attributes, or financial matters.
I am single because I haven’t found someone who understands what love is and how to be receptive to love. I don’t want some that’s abusive mentally or physically. I just want him to have a great character, dignity, respect, integrity, faith, will power, compromising, patients, understanding, strong, protective and be able to provide stability. Relationships take a lot but if your in it with the right person it will be well worth the journey.
I recommend this book to anyone that has been in and out of relationships, unhealthy relationships, someone who makes excuses on why they are single, someone who is single and wants to impress their mess for growth. Learn the path to beginning healthy key relationships.
Single is not a curse, it’s a blessing in disguise. -BK
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